Tl;dr: Adventurers from Port Mirandia decide on a whim to reenact the beloved classic play series Gilligan’s Island as a living performance art piece. In their version, the ship is not on a three hour tour, but instead attempting to circumnavigate the Island. Naturally, only the Professor has the acumen to see this as a crazy bad idea and manages to escape the Voyage of the Damned before they get stuck somewhere for three years.

Session Title : Why is the Rum Always Gone (Player Organized Mission)
Session DM : Tam
Session Date : 22 Jun 2021 @ 23:00 UTC

Starring :
Bardy as the Professor – (Bard 10/Cleric 1) “Chronicler”, “Quartermaster” and “Trailblazer” with Sisyphus the Pegasus
and the rest :
Cober as Thurston Howell III – (Wizard 11/Cleric 1) “Cartographer” with Anhinga the familiar and a Skeletal Horde
Eight as Gilligan – (Monk 11/Wizard 2) “Scout”
Faenoa as Mary Ann – (Fighter 9/ Wizard 2)
Naal as Skipper – (Fighter 14) “Captain”
Ten’follat as Mrs. Howell – (Warlock 1/Wizard 9) “Leader” with Coco the familiar
Uzza as Ginger – (Warlock 13) “First Mate” with Ral the familiar

An account of my recent adventure. written after taking some fortifying drinks

Many days ago, Ten’follat approached some of us with the idea of sailing around the coast to the northwest of Port Mirandia to see if we could find the part of the beach that a recent survey party found west of the ZHT portal, with the intent of returning by said portal. (I discovered far too late that no one acquired portal stones so return this way was impossible. Not to mention, there was no plan for the safety of the crew or the ship after we left. In retrospect this plan was terrible, I do not know what I was thinking when I agreed.)

We hired a ship named “The Red Manta” and a twenty man crew. As we left the harbour on the first day, there was not even the hint of wind and the sails were still. The crew had to row for the whole day.

We sailed through midday without incident, then encountered a rowboat with two humans, (a disgruntled pair), an older man and a younger woman. They were lost and asked for directions to Port Mirandia which we gave. We moved on until nightfall and the crew needed rest. Faenoa and I fished up a bounty of wondeful shrimp. The night passed peacefully (that I could enjoy more days like this,).

The next day was spent peacefully sailing under a full wind, allowing half the crew to rest and continuous travel during the night. During the third watch I was woken, as a ship had been sighted on a course towards us. They called out to us that they needed medical attention, (I knew they were not telling the whole truth) but when Uzza activated her driftglobe, they hissed out in pain and attacked us. (With that light we could see that the ship’s name was The Nocturne)

The battle was fierce. We were shooting fireballs at their ship and sails while they tried to board. One of the pirates was a vampire as they tried to escape in the form of a bat. We dispatched these undead pirates with no damage to our ship, and minor damage to ourselves. We conducted a brief plunder of the enemy ship than let Faenoa indulge in some pyromania (I’m not sure why now, it seemed appropriate in the moment, but upon reflection we should be trying to tempyr her destructive impulses.) We sailed on during the night.

The morning arrived. The winds are light but enough for our purposes. During the first leg of travel this day, we smell rotten egg, but the source was undetected. Next we found thirty bodies of varying races with bite marks of teeth similar to sharks, but the mouth size of the bite is almost too small for a shark. (Faenoa gutted the poor soul we had brought on board to examine, “tummy diving.”) We fished up some nutritious kelp and then had another peaceful night, sailing along.

As dawn arrived, it was raining lightly and overcast. (Our visibility was rather hampered.) We saw a beautiful dolphin who swam along side us, but alas, the poor creature was taken unawares by a shark. Later on in the day we saw an island of debris. As we were watching it, it swam away (I shudder to think what it might have been, the last moving island I saw turned out to be a dragon turtle that nearly scuttled the ship I was on). We fished some more shrimp before settling in for the night watches, sailing through the night again.

This next day was humid, overcast again, with a light wind. We sailed throughout the day rather peacefully. At night, while fishing I was almost pulled off the boat by a shark that overpowered me, (but managed not to thankfully, I did lose the fishing rod though). While I was sleeping, we reached Trader’s Bay. (I was told after that there was an arch I did not see that had the words “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrateemblazoned upon it, which I believe translates to “abandon all hope ye who enter.” We elected to finish the night on our ship and then go ashore.

As we disembarked, we saw a myriad of races intermingling freely. (Drow, Gnolls, Khenra, Yuan-ti, you name it, we saw it). We went to the auction house to see what was available and what time the auction started. We then explored the city while passing the time. We saw a colosseum, where people are pitted against each other for sport (and gambling I assume) and many different markets. We looked around the markets a bit (I found a nice souvenir scroll case, which in retrospect, is now a stark reminder that things can go wrong very quickly) then went to the auction where Uzza bought something truly wondrous.

After the auction over was when it was discovered no one had any portal stones to enact that part of the plan. Realizing this, the party decided it was a good course of action, to, unplanned and with little preparation, attempt to sail into the complete unknown, trying to circumnavigate island. (I was incredulous, and I am saddened to report that despite my best efforts they would not listen to me about how this was pure folly.)

I explained that seeing as I had recently accepted a temporary role helping the AFK Ambassador, I could not leave for such a length of time. They would not accommodate me (by sailing back to Port Mirandia and then continuing on, which seemed a much more sensible way to approach their goal, since they would have come back around to Trader’s Bay again with all the booty they found and new items at auction) and insisted they would continue sailing south. (I wish now I had tried dispelling magic upon them, acting with such indifference for me and my opinion seemed out of character for some, perhaps they had been spelled with something while I was at the markets.)

With great sadness and frustration I was forced sever myself from the group and try to find my own way back to Port Mirandia, alone with Sisyphus (I was thankful for his presence, but he now has a low opinion of the rest. It is for the best that only I could hear what he was saying. I was taken aback and amused by his capacity for profanity. I see now that he was alleviating some of the fear I felt at travelling with just him, and no backup on this dangerous island. I should get him a treat.)

Billy and the Beak

Looking around the markets and the harbour, Sisyphus and I eventually found a man referred to as Billy and the Beak, Charter Master Extraordinaire. Talking with him, I decided our best bet would be to wait for merchant ship that would accept passengers. We waited three days until such a ship arrived. I talked my way aboard and since Sisyphus and I were willing to work while we travelled, the merchant agreed to lower my costs.

We had a good wind every day of this voyage. The first day was calm and peaceful. On the second day we were attacked by a giant octopus. We managed to damage it enough to cause it to flee. The ship suffered some damage but it was repairable. This merchant crew was considerably more prepared and battle ready than crew of The Red Manta. The third day was another peaceful day but on the fourth day we spotted a pirate ship. Thankfully this merchant ship was the faster that day as we managed to out run the pirates. The fifth day brought the welcome, familiar sight of Port Mirandia. Sisyphus flew us over from the ship.

I find Honkers, make sure he has not been causing too much trouble, and am reassured to see him hale and honking, then retire to quaff some fortification before memorializing my account. I will think frequently of my erstwhile companions in the upcoming weeks. They could be back in a few weeks or never seen again. May Oghma have mercy on them.