“Mmm yes, I was there…
It started as a cold morning in Ruined Oak. I was following this man around who seemed like he’d be a good replacement for my last man servant. He ended met up with some other laborers and they seemed to be gearing up for an adventure. Not one to let my prey escape so easily, I invited myself along.

I they told me their names but I honestly couldn’t have cared less. There was a little blood thirsty gnome that I’d seen about before… Freya? The biggest one was called Glanfath but I’m not sure he said a work the entire trip. Eight was the strapping man that I had my sights set on. There were two more I think… ah yes! A little man to match the little woman and one referred to by his profession: Bardy.

Their destination was a small hut in the forest. They seemed intent on collecting a bunch of cookies from some old man. Upon arriving, the old man demanded that they kill some spiders to earn their cookies. Oh the common folk and their problems. I couldn’t complain too much because I was hoping to see my mark in action. As talk continued I learned that there was once a spider “queen” and her two daughters. One of the daughters committed a little regicide and took power. I can’t fault someone for having ambition. However, the old man said it was turning his forest into a living hell. I’m of the opinion that living in a forest is already a hell of sorts. People belong in cities… unless they’re peasants. Poor people should stay in the squalor and leave the beautiful cities to the beautiful people.

After a night at the old man’s house we ventured deeper into the forest to hunt spiders. It wasn’t much of a hunt. Turns out that spider people like to build their own little towns. As we walked into the quaint little village we heard beautiful music coming from the local bed’n’breakfast. Not exactly a scenic locale but passable for the occasional tryst. Venturing in to find the source of the music we were confronted by the matron. My spidey-senses were going crazy but I played it cool, even paying for a room to allay any suspicions. With cover totally handled we set out to explore the rest of the town.

The scamps I was traveling with must not have been happy with the clean accommodations because they sought something more like home… a cellar. Of course the cellar was full of spiders. What were they expecting?! They began slaughtering Princess Jorogumo’s children and she rightly took exception to this. We were quickly fighting on two fronts.

Enter Eight. Seriously, that man is a specimen. As soon as Jorogumo entered the cellar he began pounding her into submission. At one point I was sure that all of her numerous legs were in the air as he held her prone. Her aids kept seeking to help but Eight swiftly beat them off. I stood back, a true voguer, and let loose my massive snake. I let loose blast after blast but was quickly becoming spent. It was a climatic battle with Eight standing the victor, all others guarding their rears.

I’m getting worked up just recounting the tale. If you’ll excuse me…”