That’s an insult which needs brought back. It’s a perfect descriptor for a wide range of meatsacks especially those who will elect a leader and then ignore all advice and suggestions.
The group of bellends that elected me had come together with a purpose. It’s novel to see meatsacks with a purpose in life so I consented to help them with their… “Quest”. It was almost cute. They had a book they couldn’t read and wanted to go to The Library. Apparently someone there could help.
I jest but there actually is rumor of a scroll salesman who’d left for the library and never returned. If nothing else I went for the selfish purpose of looting a mountain of scrolls off this idiot’s corpse.
Our first day on the road was nothing worth writing home about. We encountered a hastily constructed dwelling that seemed somewhat ominous. I dealt with it by dispatching those few of my party who were approaching competence. They reported back… amazing I know… that nothing of interest lay within. We moved on and started looking for a camp.
Here’s where things got interesting. Oogway, in one of his rare moments of lucidity, spotted an ambush being sprung on us. The battle lines were quickly drawn and quickly ignored as we clashed with dozens of large Worgs. Each of us played to our strengths but Servant and Sixer had the most obvious effects. The kobold of indeterminate gender set about charming roughly half of the overgrown wolves. Servant had some judicious uses of lightning bolt that sometimes killed two or three at a time. In the end we’d tamed four and either killed or routed the rest.
We made a quick camp and set watches. Nothing bothered us but someone did spy a magical display which we investigated the following morning. A series of towers lay just off the road ahead of us. To no one’s dismay, the bunch of bellends abandoned their quest for knowledge and started poking around inside the central structure.
By “poking around” I mean they started touching EVERYTHING. Magical orbs? Touched. Mysterious potions? Touched. Inexplicable Cheese Plate? Touched. As you might expect, the tower began touching back. A golem the size of a small house was just waiting just around the corner.
You’d think it was an old friend the way they ran right up to it. Joule and Oogway pinned it on a small alcove while the rest of us attempted to keep our distance in the tight quarters. The fiery barbarian suffered the most from this struggle snuggle but Servant was Johnny-on-the-spot with healing aid. All of the little tricks I tried to pull were ineffective. Even Fiver (one of the MANY useless kobolds infesting Katashaka) managed to damage this Titan more than I. My disdain might deserve rexamination but that’s a problem for future me.
In the end, it played out like all conflicts… The big dumb things hit each other until one of them died and the smart things hung out on the back, risking nothing. Oh yeah, and Valorean was there… apparently “doing his best”.
So our group of heroic adventurers committed ‘Breaking and Entering’, followed by ‘Aggravated Assault’, and then topped it all with ‘Larceny’ as they fled the scene stealing everything in sight. There crimes were reward though as apparently they managed to snatch something they needed for their scavenger hunt… some sort of cauldron.