That odd Kobold, Fiver, invited me to the Desert of Flies day spa recently. While they hadn’t actually called it a day spa I can’t really think of what else is appropriate to refer to it as. I mean, it’s a place of warmth, sun tanning and a very rejuvenating sand bath. The way the sand rubs your skin raw, it’s been awhile since I’ve felt this clean.

However the service at the Desert of Flies day spa is absolutely terrible. We had barely finished with the first sand bath, which while feeling amazing leaves you feeling exhausted, and some of the locals decided to start something with us. Four scorpions, like the ones that cult were summoning, starting beating on our group. I mean really tearing into us. It was utter chaos.

Of course we dispatched the ruffians but not before they took it a little too far. One of Fiver’s new friends, a weird Kobold that named himself after that obnoxious frumpy wizard, had his head taken clean off his body. It was a gruesome sight. The poor kobold may have had bad taste in role models, he deserved better than that.

With our trip ruined by the scorpions and the death of a group member, we decided to return home. Thankfully we got to enjoy the sand bath one last time on the way, though it didn’t seem to agree with Oogway. His skin seemed to freeze up and grow scales and he lost the ability to regulate his own temperature. This of course had nothing to do with making fire so it was well out of my area of expertise so I left him in the hands of others on the island. I’m told they fixed him up with the touch of holy warrior. So if you find yourself with this weird scaly affliction, maybe seek out Phil, Ragna or Artix.

All in all, I highly recommend the sand bath but am not fond of the Desert of Flies locals. 2 out of 5 stars. Go at your own risk.